So for Halloween I ended up going out to party with random people. I went to someone’s apartment and got my dance on. I saw Jairo there, but he decided to not say anything to me and I didn’t say anything to him. It was really weird. All the guys and his boys were into my outfit lol. Come to find out later that he was kinda jealous that all these guys were into me and I just think life is so funny because the whole night of him watching his boys flirt with me and me laughing .. he just never ever knew that, that whole night I was thinking about him, but was playing the game that he was playing as well. Both acting hard to get. He’s a player. I’m a girl who has my guard up. I try not to let my emotions show to guys I don’t know because the moment I do .. I’m vulnerable. The moment he got the idea that I was starting to feel for him, he switched up his nice role to that “playa playa” role. I can’t really describe it. Like now that he knows I’m into him, he’s going to play that game harder and act hard. I can’t explain it. I KNOW he’s not worth my time and I KNOW I can easily find someone else, but he’s just soooo attractive. He’s an attractive bad boy. Nice body, an attractive tattoo on his upper arm in spanish. But now lately, his suite mate has been talking to me and that’s weird. He always asking to hang out with me and I’m always turning him down because I just can’t do that. because FOR WHAT? For the boys to talk and be like “yeah I was with Jessica man” no. guys talk and think girls have no idea whats going on. I need to just escape that whole crew. They call themselves the damn scheme team and the only way I’m close to them is because I went to highschool with one of the guys in it. They all go to northeastern¬† and they get A LOT OF GIRLS. And I refuse to that “that girl” or “one of those girls.” I mean, I’m not going to lie, I like to have my fun too, I LOVE boyssss, but at the same time they need to respect me. The moment you let yourself go or easily give it up, it’s done. They hit and leave. The guy I went to highschool with, he talks to me about these girls like they are toys and once he’s done with the story he tries to kick it to me and then it ends off with me laughing at him and then walking away. This is going to sound hilarious, but he is a talented rapper. I feel like he’s on youtube somewhere, but he’s VERY talented and i love love love listening to him rap and telling some story .. although majority of his raps are about how girls easy are with him ha. Halloween he was there and all of a sudden he started to rap about me in front of EVERYONE as the girl he tried to kick it to, but denied him. too bad. And then Best, the boy that lives with Jairo, started to rap about me and kept wanting to hold my hand. BOYS ARE JUST WEIRD. They have this territorial thing. Possesive thing going on.

I just want a nice guy! I mean, I’m into guys who carry a bad boy swag, but at the same time I want him to respect me and not see me as a challenge TO BE THE GUY I DECIDE TO GET WITH. Because that’s how I see with these boys, they talk amongst each other and try to see whos gonna be the guy that I invite back to my dorm, but little do they know that I’m just not like that. And the only guy that I did ever invite to my dorm and the ONLY guy I actually spent the night with was Jairo and because of that … shit just changed.

I gotta get used to this college life.

Love is gone. It’s all about “getting laid” right now.

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